


this is the miracle (that i've been dreaming of)

by withnorthernlights



Series: starlight, starbright [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff, M/M, Seireiheiki Disease, Star Tears AU, they're both just SO whipped for one another
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:14:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26216215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withnorthernlights/pseuds/withnorthernlights
Summary: Sunlit mornings and happy tears, with a little bit of loving for everyone.or: the aftermath of it all.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: starlight, starbright [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1903423
Comments: 14
Kudos: 104





	1. take these broken wings and learn to fly

**Author's Note:**

> this is a direct continuation of my tsukkiyama star tears au ("look into your eyes (and the sky's the limit)"), so i'd highly suggest you read the first part of the series before this one!! :)
> 
> i know there was a,, lot,, of angst in part one, so i hope i can make up for that with a few fluffy chapters here haha. unfortunately, i do need to do some worldbuilding and background explanation of the logistics in yama's life before i can get to the fluff. don't worry, though - lots of cute dates and cuddling to come in the near future. i'm aiming for weekly updates and multiple shorter chapters, compared to part one. feel free to leave any comments or thoughts - they really mean a lot to me!
> 
> (fic title from the lyrics of "so this is love" by mack david (in disney's cinderella))

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> take these sunken eyes and learn to see / all your life / you were only waiting for this moment to be free
> 
> (chapter title and summary from the lyrics of "blackbird" by the beatles)

Yamaguchi's vision does come back, a little. He just considers himself lucky to have the color back in his life, and he thinks every day about the people who were born with eyes worse than his are now. All in all, he's very fortunate to have the people he does in his life, who help him at every turn, and he finds himself not minding his new life after all. He doesn't cry so much anymore, not _really_ crying like he did before, but when he does, it feels strange. Like the water that leaks out of his eyes is almost too soft, too forgiving. He's not going to complain, of course, but it's weird how only a few months have changed his view on life completely. 

His mom had cried when he told her. She hadn't known at all. While Akiteru and Tsukki's mom had both seen his infatuation clearly since the first day he wandered in, looking for _Kei-kun!_ , his mom was almost never at home. She works a demanding desk job, cooped up in her cubicle for hours every day and night, trying to make enough money on her own to feed her fast-growing, 180cm son and eventually send him to college. He knows she loves him, in her own way, even though she never expresses it physically or explicitly with words. (Maybe this is why he's always been so adamant about giving Tsukki unwavering validation––because he never got enough of it for himself at home.)

After explaining everything, and after she's finally done crying (something he's never once seen her do since his father passed away), she heads into her room. Yamaguchi doesn't expect her to come back out so quickly, but she does, and there are two things in her hand, shimmering in the light that streams in through the kitchen window (they never seem to turn on their lights unless they have guests over). "Okaa-san," he whispers, his eyes starting to tear up again (and he really just stopped crying, too). "Didn't Otou-san give that to you? At–at your wedding?" He doesn't remember much about his father, and his mom can never get through a full story about him without covering her mouth with her hand and retreating to her room, so all he has to go off of are old photographs. The photo album is in his mom's room, but he's had enough time over the years to sneak in and flip through its pages while she's at work. 

He doesn't know much about Yamaguchi Chikyu, this strange man he's grown up knowing only through time-worn photographs, but he knows this: 

  1. His parents were married six years before he was born, and his father had seven years of marriage with his wife before he passed.
  2. His father went to college in Tokyo but worked at a big electronics company close enough to commute from Miyagi. 
  3. His father made his mom smile brightly enough to light a dozen candles at once (Tsukki says that's where he gets his own little glow from (Tsukki is a load of bullshit)).
  4. He is the spitting image of his father––freckles and hair and gangly limbs and all.
  5. His mother was wearing a pearl necklace and diamond earrings when she got married. 



He's pretty sure his mom is holding those earrings in her hands right now. Maybe if he were talking to Tsukki's mom, he'd say, "Okaa-san, you aren't thinking of passing those down to me now, are you?" or "I think it's a little too early for marriage gifts, right?", but he isn't talking to Tsukki's mom. He's talking to his own mom, who's one of the strongest people he's ever met but has a faint heart and a bad understanding of sarcasm. They don't joke around with one another––it doesn't bother him, it never has––and that's just the way things are, just the way they work. So, instead, he just looks in the general direction of her face, feeling his eyes starting to tear up again. He doesn't really know what she plans to do with the money, but he knows that the reason his mom is selling one of her last memories of her husband is to deal with the aftermath of his seireiheiki. 

Neither of them say anything as his mom freshens up her makeup briefly, then heads out again, the front door closing with a gentle _click_. It's then that he begins to cry. Somewhere between stumbling into his room and collapsing on his bed, he manages to dial Tsukki's number on his little flip phone.

"Yamaguchi?"

Just hearing Tsukki's voice already makes him feel a little more calm. "Tsukki… please… I–"

"I'm coming over."

"Are you sure?"

"Yamaguchi."

"Thanks, Tsukki."

"Hm."

He's a little worried because he's not exactly functioning at a high enough level right now to explain the whole situation to Tsukki. Hopefully Tsukki won't mind just being used as a pillow for an hour or so. Unfortunately––or fortunately?––Tsukki is punctual and efficient, as always, and he unlocks the door with the spare key he's known about for years. (He must've just showered, too, because the room smells like eucalyptus as soon as he walks in.) "Is your mother home?" The bed creaks, and the mattress dips with the weight of the other boy, much too light for how tall he is.

"No, she–she just went out, actually."

"Is this about her, then?" (Ah, never mind the need for a verbal explanation. Tsukki can read him easily, like always.)

Yamaguchi doesn't say anything to this, just leans over and burrows his face into Tsukki's shoulder, one of his pillows clutched desperately in front of his chest. Tsukki's hand comes down to rest carefully on Yamaguchi's arm, squeezing with a gentleness that makes him cry harder. Tsukki allows him a few minutes to soak the sleeve of his t-shirt with tears before speaking again.

"You feel bad because she's trying to help you, right?"

Yamaguchi sits up, wiping at his eyes with one hand, the other still wrapped around his pillow. "Tsukki is so smart."

"You know how much I hate saying things that are obvious," Tsukki begins with a sigh that is deeply contrasted with the way his hand is rubbing up and down Yamaguchi's arm, "but this isn't your fault. None of it is your fault, and your mother knows it, too. If she's giving up something important for you, that just means you're even more important to her." 

"I know, but Otou-san, and she just––and she always works so hard for me, but I've never done anything for her except make her––and I don't even _talk_ to her, Kei, and––"

Tsukki's hand has migrated from Yamaguchi's arm to his hair, fingers threading through the soft strands and lightly massaging his scalp. To his credit, Tsukki doesn't flinch or even say a word, his hand just stalling for a moment before continuing their steady motions.

"…Sorry, Tsukki."

"I thought we weren't going to do that anymore, Yamaguchi."

"Oh, right. Sorry, Tsukki."

Tsukki doesn't even bother correcting that one, just sighs again and shifts so he's facing Yamaguchi directly. "I don't have a problem with you calling me that, but just keep it for when we're alone, yeah?"

"Mm, okay."

"…Do you want me to call you your given name, too?"

His tears have mostly stopped now, and he looks up with such hopeful, joyful eyes despite the streaks of tears on his cheeks that Tsukki's face goes red immediately. "If that's okay with you, Tsukki!"

"Come here then, Tadashi."

It's Yamaguchi's turn to blush, the last traces of his guilt gone. He rubs his fists against his cheeks again, taking off the last of the tears, before all but launching himself into Tsukki's lap, throwing his arms around Tsukki's neck. Tsukki grunts but takes in pretty much in stride, gingerly wrapping his arms around the other boy. Yamaguchi presses his face into the crook of Tsukki's neck, breathing in deeply. It's definitely not the first time they've been this close, after so many years, but every touch, every word, every interaction feels infinitely different now. He takes in every moment with unabashed wonder, marveling at the fact that he still has this beautiful, ethereal boy in his life and now in his arms. 

Their relationship had always been relatively wordless; growing up together, they'd learned how to communicate thoughts and emotions through facial expressions, small gestures, and touches, rather than through speech. The new level of intimacy introduced doesn't change any of that. If anything, Tsukki has gotten even easier to read, initiating things more often and making sure Yamaguchi takes care of himself. 

"I'm glad you're here with me, Tsukki–Kei. I'm glad you're here, Kei." Under his cheek, Yamaguchi can feel Tsukki's heartbeat flickering at those words, like a little hummingbird. Tsukki's skin is so warm. Tsukki doesn't answer (he's probably blushing again), just leans down a little and presses his lips gently to the top of Yamaguchi's head. "Thanks for coming over."

"You don't have to thank me for that. It's not like I don't come over almost every day anyways."

"But still, Kei! Thank you for helping me."

"…You know I'll always be here when you need me."

"Yeah, I guess I do know that."

-

Yamaguchi Ayame is a simple, efficient woman. She has a friend in the jewelry business who she asks to help sell her earrings, and she comes back with a decent sum of money. She then takes her son to the optometrist, and they tell him all hope is not lost, and he can be fitted for a thick pair of glasses, but he needs to take care of himself, or he'll strain his already fragile body. The doctor is a stiff, clear-cut man who doesn't flinch when they tell him about the seireiheiki. 

Tadashi does not move through the whole ordeal, only speaking when spoken to. She tells him to choose whichever frames he likes best, without worrying about the price, and he visibly blanches at that. She knows he wouldn't want to make a scene, though, and he eventually settles on a thin, black pair. (Personally, she thinks the thin frames accentuate the thickness of the lenses even more, but she can hold her tongue this once.)

Ayame takes a whole day off from work to come into Karasuno High School and speak with the principal. She wants to take as much pressure off of her son as she can, and this is one of the only ways she knows she can do that. Briefly, she tells the principal about seireiheiki, provides a doctor's note, and asks for medical confidentiality. Her request is granted. Tadashi will be able to go back to as normal of a life as he can get, finish high school and graduate like any other student. She thinks this is the least she can do for him, after failing completely as a mother to notice her son's gradual descent towards rock bottom.

(Admittedly, she does feel some resentment towards Kei. He is the reason why Tadashi needs these glasses, and he is probably the reason why Tadashi thinks so lowly of himself. Selfishly, she also notes that he's also the reason why she's shelling out more money than she has in years, the reason why she will have to work overnight shifts two days each week for the next few months, the reason why she will spend the nights she doesn't have to work overtime tossing and turning in her bed, worried about her son. Despite all of this, though, Tadashi still goes back to him, clings to him like a little starfish and follows him around with that hopeless look in his eyes that she recognizes from Chikyu's. The similarity is rather startling. 

And so, she forgives Kei because Tadashi forgives Kei. Tadashi is like Chikyu in that way, too. He was always a better person than she would ever be able to be.)

-

Ennoshita is understanding about it. At least, as understanding as one can be without knowing the whole story. Again, though, he doesn't ask many questions, and Yamaguchi is relieved. Undoubtedly, Ennoshita knows he's being left out of something important, but he knows Yamaguchi will appreciate it more if he doesn't pry. They tell the team that Yamaguchi's family has a history of early blindness, on his mother's side (his great-aunt and great-uncle did both have terrible vision from an early age, so maybe it's not that bad of a lie?), and that he won't be able to play volleyball anymore. In all honesty, although he's disappointed, Yamaguchi doesn't see why the rest of the team should be. He wasn't a regular last year, and he still isn't this year. So his pinch serves are marginally better. His overall gameplay isn't at a high enough level to match the overeager new first years, and he knows he'll never be able to catch up with the so-called _Monster Generation_ he was unfortunately born in the same time as. Which is why it surprises him to see them all so affected. 

"We'll miss you, Yamaguchi!" Yachi already knows, but her sadness is genuine and she gives him a fierce hug that warms him to the core, making him promise to still eat lunch with them every day (of course he will).

"Yamaguchi-kun, you'd better come watch all our games, okay?" Kinoshita, who he's bonded with over the last two years due to their similar positions, gives him a friendly shoulder bump and ruffles his hair.

"Yamaguchi-senpai, I hope you know we're all here for you." None of the first years come anywhere close to matching his height, even if they dwarf him in power and innate skill, but it's still a little unnerving to have people actually looking up to him and calling him _senpai_. 

"I can't believe you'd do this to us, Tadashi-kun!" This one is Nishinoya, who has a penchant for calling his kouhai by their first names. Behind the bright tone, Yamaguchi swears he can hear a little bit of desperation; Noya is losing someone on his team yet again, and there's nothing he can do about it.

"You're always welcome to come to practice, if you ever want to watch, okay, Yamaguchi? And your glasses look way cooler than Tsukishima-kun's." Hinata is surprisingly quiet through it all, just wrapping him in a slow, slight hug and giving him a soft smile. Yamaguchi is actually pretty proud of him for keeping the secret for this long. (The glasses do help, and his vision is good enough to come to class, but his head just hurts so, so much. He knows he'll miss the feeling of being on the court, but it's not worth the damage it'll undoubtedly do to his eyes if he pushes himself too hard.)

He tries to savor these last moments in the gym as a player, not just an observer. These last two years have been good to him––some of the best of his life, if not the best. He's grown so much with these people, and even the new first years have stolen a little place in his heart. "Oh, here you go, Ennoshita-san," he says, pulling out a neatly folded _Karasuno High School Volleyball Team_ jacket from his bag, along with his jersey, freshly laundered as of this morning. "I won't be needing this anymore."

Yachi lets out a sound that sounds a little like a squeak, hands immediately moving to cover her mouth. Ennoshita looks at him for a long moment before sighing. "Yamaguchi-kun, you will always be a part of this team. And this gym will always be a safe space for you to go; I'll make sure of that for as long as I'm captain, and I'll do my best to make sure that's how it'll be next year, too. Please keep those. You've earned them, okay?" Although his voice tapers a little at the end, he manages to finish his impromptu speech, maintaining clear eye contact with Yamaguchi the whole time. The rest of the team has gone dead silent.

"Okay. Thank you, Ennoshita-san. Thank you, everyone. I think… I think I'll be heading home now. Have a good practice!" Yamaguchi dips his head into a bow before shoving the clothes back into his bag and turning around to leave. It feels so weird heading home without Tsukki, especially now that they've established themselves as being _in a relationship_. As soon as he steps outside, he takes off his glasses, storing them away in their case. He blinks a few times, adjusting to the distinct change in view, before rubbing his eyes and sighing. While being able to see––vaguely––has its benefits, the ache in the back of his head reminds him too much of the star tears, and it makes it hard to focus. He can barely pay attention in school as it is, so he'll take any opportunity to give his tired eyes a rest.

"Leaving without me, are you?"

"Tsukki!" he squeaks, turning around sharply and nearly dropping his bag. "What are you–don't you have practice right now?"

"I already talked to Ennoshita-san. He said I could take you home before coming to practice. I know you don't want to wear your glasses when you walk home, so I figured I should come with you."

"Aww, Tsukki, you'd really do all that just for me?"

"I also get to skip the first half hour of practice, so. There's that, too."

"Tsukki!"

"Besides, I know you'd miss having someone to talk to."

"And you'd miss having someone to listen to, Tsukki!"

"…"

"I'm not wrong!"

"Since when did you get so snarky? Come on, Yamaguchi, your mother will worry if you don't get home in time."

"Oh, right! I keep forgetting Okaa-san is home today! She hasn't taken a day off in so long. And I guess I've just been spending too much time around you, Tsukki. Maybe I should cut back?"

"You should talk to her."

"I know."

"And you don't need to cut back."

"I know."

"Are you going to talk to her?"

"…Soon."

"Alright, whatever you say."

"Tsukki!!"

-

He finds himself in what can probably be called a routine. It's not all that different from before, really. He still wakes up and takes turns with his mom to throw together hastily-prepared meals for the day. He still walks with Tsukki in the early hours of the morning, sitting in the corner of the gym and talking to Yachi or finishing homework. He still does his best not to doze off and/or stare at Tsukki the whole time in his classes and looks forward to the chaotic lunch breaks with his dear friends. He lets Tsukki walk him home, but they go all the way to Yamaguchi's doorstep each day now, rather than stopping at the intersection where their paths diverge. 

"Text me when you get back to school, okay, Tsukki?"

"Yeah."

"And when you get back home, too, okay?"

"Mm."

"Are you sure you're going to be okay during practice? I know you never eat anything before and you didn't even touch your lunch today, and I'm not going to be there to scold you, and––"

"Tadashi," Tsukki says, a fond smile playing on his lips to offset the slightly stern tone of his voice. Fuck. Tsukki uses his given name sparingly, but just one _Tadashi_ in that dark, smooth voice and he all but melts into the ground. "You only get to say these things if I'm allowed to worry about you the same way."

Yamaguchi's eyes widen and he takes a step back, his hands out in front of him. "Ah… never mind then, Tsukki!"

Tsukki throws back his head and laughs, a pure and rich sound that Yamaguchi tucks away in the corner of his memory to replay for later.

"I'm going back to practice now, alright?"

"Okay, Tsukki!"

"…There's something else, isn't there, Yamaguchi?"

Damn. It's really so difficult to get anything past that stupid blonde head of his. "Can you hug me, Tsukki?"

"…Right now?"

"Yeah."

"Right here?"

"Yeah."

He's never explicitly asked Tsukki about PDA, but from what he's gleaned over the years, the other boy doesn't exactly approve. It's worth a shot though. He chooses to keep his eyes trained on the floor, letting Tsukki decide what he wants to do. 

He hears a breath of air being let out, before Tsukki's arms are around him, holding him as gently as if he'd break with a single misplaced touch. He relaxes into the hug immediately, squeezing tightly, and inhales as much of Tsukki's scent as he can before it ends. 

"Was that okay?"

"Your cheeks are all red, Tsukki!"

"Shut up, Yamaguchi."

"Not sorry, Tsukki!"

Tsukki just shoos him off towards his house, standing awkwardly by the gate until Yamaguchi closes the door, waving with a bright smile. As he walks towards his room, he feels a single buzz in his pocket, and his phone reads, _not sorry either_.


	2. a world where roses bloom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and when you speak, angels sing from above / everyday words seem to turn into love songs
> 
> (chapter title and summary from the lyrics of "la vie en rose" by édith piaf, covered in english by louis armstrong)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love thinking of the way different haikyuu characters would have their contacts saved into their phones. yamaguchi definitely only writes the name he calls them by + emoticons and [!!] for his favorites (everyone is his favorite, tbh, but especially tsukki). i'm not,,, super confident about the geography of japan, but let's just pretend you can get to akiu comfortably by foot from the sendai train station. i'm sorry ;-;
> 
> OH - another note: all texts are in 24-hour/military time :)

[02:09] from: tsukki!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

> yamaguchi

[02:13]

hi tsukki :) <

[02:13] from: tsukki!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

> why are you awake.

[02:13]

youre the one who texted ME!!! :,( <

[02:14] from: tsukki!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

> i didn't ask you to respond though  
> are you busy next weekend?

[02:15]

so mean tsukkiii :( <  
and not really?? unless you count studying <

[02:16] from: tsukki!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

> i'm going to take you somewhere then  
> okay?

[02:16]

okay!! <  
im really excited :D <  
do i get any hints about where yet? <

[02:18] from: tsukki!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

> really?  
> you know that answer to that already

[02:19]

it was still worth a shot... <

[02:20] from: tsukki!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

> you're hopeless  
> go to bed

[02:21]

:( <

[02:21] from: tsukki!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

> ):

[02:22]

youre cute <

[02:22] from: tsukki!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

> if i tell you you're quite literally the cutest person i've ever encountered will you sleep  
> please

[02:23]

YES. <

[02:25]

tsukki?? <  
did you fall asleep :0 <

[02:26] from: tsukki!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

> you are the cutest person i have ever met.

[02:26]

i cant believe it literally took you three minutes to type that <

[02:27] from: tsukki!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

> go to bed already jesus

[02:27]

okiee <  
goodnight tsukkiii <  
sleep well <  
i'm excited for next week!!! <  
and i can't wait to see you tmrw!! <  
gn tsukki <3 <  
oops <

[02:29] from: tsukki!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

> you're really too much sometimes  
> gn yama <3  
> can't wait to see you tomorrow too

-

The weekend doesn't roll around _nearly_ as quickly as it should. Yamaguchi spends the whole rest of the week rolling one (1) thought around in his mind: _Tsukki date!_ He tries to squeeze whatever information he can out of Tsukki, but the other boy won't budge (no surprise there). He does consider adding another thought to his mind because planning a spontaneous date seems incredibly out of character for stoic, grumpy Tsukki. However, before he can even start to feel bad about not being the one to initiate the date, Tsukki bumps him gently with his shoulder and says, "I'm doing this because I want to, okay? Stop feeling bad. It makes me feel bad," and so he is okay.

On Friday afternoon, Yamaguchi is practically bouncing in excitement. They've hung out together countless times over the past few years, but this is the first actual "date" (with quotation marks). Tsukki had said _I'll be there at 11_ , but he still has this horrible habit of not actually believing that Tsukki will be here on time, despite the fact that the other boy has probably never missed a deadline in his entire life. Tsukki rings the doorbell at 10:59, actually, and Yamaguchi still hasn't finished choosing what to wear. He finishes buttoning up outfit number six and then goes to unlock the door. 

"Hey, Tsukki! Sorry I'm not ready yet––I'll just be a minute more, okay?"

After letting Tsukki in, he promptly spins around and slams the door to his room. While changing out of outfit number six and back into outfit number one (he _knew_ he should have just stuck with that one to begin with instead of wasting all this time second-guessing himself…), he can hear a soft sigh followed by muffled footsteps on the other side of the door.

"Yamaguchi," Tsukki says, drawing out every syllable and punctuating the word with a click of his tongue. "I told you I was coming at 11, didn't I?"

"Well, yeah, but you know that means we aren't leaving until 11:30 anyways, so if you wanted to _actually_ be there at 11 you would've come at 10!"

"That makes no sense at all."

"Yeah it does! It means you're always early and _let me change my clothes in peace_ !" he quips, zipping up his pants and sparing another look into the mirror. Maybe if he knew how to do his hair, he'd do it, but there really isn't much that he can accomplish. He's never had anyone to teach him the nuances of _hair gel_ , and aside from the few times Yachi has played with barrettes and hair ties with him, he's never had his hair in any particular style. Yamaguchi opens his door, steps into the hallway––

And promptly passes out.

Well.

He doesn't quite pass out, but he does admittedly get pretty close.

Tsukki looks… Amazing? Otherworldly? Like pretty much the best thing he's ever seen in his entire life? Yamaguchi had thought that his nice oversized t-shirt with its English lettering (he honestly forgets what it says, but it's okay because Tsukki will tell him later) and cuffed pants were plenty, but he feels drastically out-dressed and pretty washed out in the blinding light that Tsukki emits with his ethereal beauty. He wants to express this, but there aren't any words coming out of his mouth as he just stares. He blinks his dry eyes and pushes his glasses up (unlike Tsukki, his glasses are _actually thick_ and _actually_ need adjusting, thank you very much), doing his very best not to gape. Tsukki is smirking a little bit, looking like he knows exactly what Yamaguchi is thinking––which, to be honest, isn't all that unlikely. 

"I like your shirt, Yamaguchi."

"Ah, really? Thanks, Tsukki! I wasn't sure what to wear, but I guess I made the right choice since you think it's okay! Okaa-san got it for me when she was in Tokyo last month, but she said they ran out of all the smaller sizes. I don't really mind it being a little big on me though because I'm just glad Okaa-san was thinking about me even when she was on her business trip!"

"Hm."

"Tsukki–Kei, I really like what you're wearing, too! You–uh–you look really nice, Kei," he stutters out, ducking his head to hide the blush Tsukki already knows is forming on his cheeks. He can feel his glasses sliding back down the bridge of his nose. Unfortunately, this means he very much does not get to see Tsukki blushing just as abruptly (for a multitude of reasons).

"Did your mother buy that for you on purpose?"

"Huh? She said she liked the color, and she thought I'd like it as well. Why? Is there something weird about it?"

"No, forget I said anything."

"Kei!!"

Tsukki definitely blushes at this, and Yamaguchi definitely gets to see. Huh. He hadn't realized that calling Tsukki by his given name would affect him so much, but he supposes it does make sense. Tsukki doesn't have any other close friends or relatives who would call him by his first name, and even the senpai at school who interact casually with him and Hinata would never thinking of calling Tsukki anything other than _Tsukishima-kun_ ––or, if they're feeling particularly close, just _Tsukishima_. He knows Tsukki has never had a particular liking for his name, as it's caused him much stress over the years with its weird kanji spelling.

"You're done, right? Our train leaves at 11:30, so we really do need to get going."

"Ooh, train? Are we going far?"

"Just to Sendai. It'll be a little over half an hour."

They head out of the small Yamaguchi residence and start walking to the train station. Tsukki has a small bag with him, as well as a fancy-looking coat slung casually over his shoulder. "I didn't bring that much money, so I hope that'll––"

"You don't _actually_ think I'm going to let you pay today, do you?"

"What?"

He'd been so engrossed in studying Tsukki's outfit that he'd forgotten the kind of important fact that Tsukki actually looks back at him when they're walking now, so he'll be caught in the act whenever he's staring (all of the time). To be fair though, the way Tsukki's sweater fits his arms and torso is really distracting, not to mention his pants because those _legs_ , and he has a silver chain clasped around his neck with the pendant dipping just out of view below his sweater collar. It's all such a different experience from the same well-put-together Tsukki that he gets to see every day at school. Honestly, if he gets to spend this next year and a half of high school exploring the rest of Tsukki's wardrobe and watching him effortlessly practice modeling, he's really not going to complain.

"Well, this is a 'date', isn't it?" Tsukki mumbles, one hand coming up to rub at the nape of his neck. "I'm already dragging you out of your house to an undisclosed location. Besides, part of what I have planned today is letting me pay."

"Aww, Kei!!"

"Not so loud Yamaguchi––we're literally in front of a public place."

"Fine. I'll say it again. Aww, Tsukki!!"

"You know, I'm not actually sure if that's better or not."

Tsukki opens the door of the train station for them, and Yamaguchi feels himself glowing brighter with every gesture. Sure, he'd always known that Tsukki was polite and respectful––at times overly so––but this is completely different. "Tsukki, you're being kind of weird today…"

"Aren't these the things you're supposed to do on a date? As you probably know, I don't really have much experience with this kind of thing."

"You don't have to force yourself to act like people on social media and TV, Tsukki… Like you said, we've basically been dating for a while now, so you don't need to change the way you are around me. I like being around you because of who you are. That hasn't changed."

"Alright then. Have fun paying for lunch."

"Hey!"

"Kidding. Kind of. Come on, here's your ticket."

They board the train with minimal bantering; once they're on, Tsukki slips on his headphones and begins his ritual of half-recharging and half-people-watching. Yamaguchi begins his Tsukki-watching. Since it's right at the start of lunch time, it's pretty crowded. They're both standing, grasping the handholds as the road zips by through the blurry window. Every time the train jolts, their arms brush together. There's a gentle hum of conversation and the distant clank of factory noises outside, so he's pretty sure Tsukki wouldn't be able to hear him if he asked something right now. Instead, he reaches out with his free hand to pull at the sleeve of Tsukki's sweater. Tsukki doesn't turn his head, just tilts his gaze slightly downward and raises one eyebrow.

Another jolt causes them to bump shoulders. Before they can right themselves back to standing straight, Yamaguchi brushes his pinky finger against Tsukki's, then links them both together. Tsukki's expression stills, the line of his mouth tightening. It's not a conspicuously noticeable gesture, but he's probably a bit weary of it still. However, Yamaguchi knows the physical contact is like an anchor for the other boy as well amidst the barrage of sounds that come with public transport. Eventually, Tsukki's face settles into something closer to neutral, and his shoulders are a little less tense. He does pull away after a few minutes, but Yamaguchi counts this as a win when Tsukki's hand doesn't clench into a fist when it comes to rest at his side.

A monotonous announcement comes on for _Sendai City_ , and he taps Tsukki's arm even though he knows Tsukki knows this is their stop. When they step off into the bustling station, Tsukki's eyes have hardened again, his hands clenching and unclenching.

"Hey," Yamaguchi says gently, making sure to continue walking as he steps minutely closer. "I know you don't like trains. Thanks for coming with me on a weekend, still."

"Hm."

"So, Tsukki, where are we going now?"

"I felt kind of bad choosing everything, so do you want to eat now or later?"

"I had breakfast late today, so can we eat later?"

"Alright. Let's go this way, then." Tsukki tilts his head to the left, and they exit the station. "Sendai is so beautiful," he muses. 

"Could you see yourself coming here after high school? Or maybe after college?"

"Yeah, maybe."

Despite his complaints, Tsukki doesn't give any hints about their destination until they're quite literally already there. "Sightseeing? Are we tourists in our own prefecture now?" Yamaguchi asks, nudging the other boy in the side with his elbow. 

"Are you telling me you've been here before?"

"Where is _here_ , exactly…?"

"Akiu Otaki. One of the greatest waterfalls in all of Japan. C'mon now, we need to go through here." Tsukki grabs him by the hand (a gesture he doesn't even begin to process until five minutes later) and pulls him towards the forest. Despite the crowd at the train station, the trail is relatively barren, only the background sounds of nature accompanying them as they pass through. They pass up a huge staircase, its manmade nature a stark contrast to the greenery all around them. Tsukki's grip on his hand relaxes a little, and their fingers thread together in what's slowly but surely becoming a natural movement. 

"This is… incredible, Kei!"

"We're not even there yet. But I'm glad you like it."

"Of course I like it! This is my first Tsukki date!"

"What?"

"Nothing––"

"Careful," Tsukki says as they go down the last few steps, gently pulling Yamaguchi along with him. They've reached their destination: a huge wooden platform overlooking the Akiu Otaki Falls. They just stand together for a moment, just watching the incredible rush of water that plummets into the river below. It's an astounding sight, heightened by the pure silence that's only broken by the flow of water splashing onto the rocks below. Sunlight filters through the dappled shade, glimmering like crystals all along the cascade. Yamaguchi leans into Tsukki's side, their hands still linked. He can almost feel the spray of water droplets from the heavy splash of the waterfall. Tsukki drapes his coat––huge and heavy and smelling _exactly_ like Tsukki––over Yamaguchi's shoulders. The gesture makes him way more giddy than he feels like he should be, and he has to physically restrain himself from burying his face in the sleeve to inhale the familiar scent. 

"Kei?"

"Hm?"

"Can we try something?"

Tsukki shoots him a look from the side, face a little reproachful. The grip on his hand squeezes a little tighter. "Sure."

Yamaguchi pulls himself upright, slipping his hand out of Tsukki's (if Tsukki frowns a little at this, neither of them comment on it) and takes something out of his pocket. It's his glasses case. With careful fingers, he slides off his glasses and folds them into their case, blinking furiously and rubbing at his eyes. "I just want to look at it like this," he says by way of explanation, settling himself once again by the other boy's side. Tsukki's hand immediately grabs his again, and they lapse back into a comfortable quiet. 

"Tadashi," he begins gently. "You can't really enjoy it like this."

"I know, but my eyes really hurt today. Can you tell me what it looks like instead?"

"What?"

"Since I can't really see everything properly with my glasses on anyways. I want to know what it looks like, to you."

"Oh." Just that one statement, spoken so softly and with genuine curiosity— _I want to know what it looks like, to you—_ is doing _things_ to Tsukishima's heart, clutching it as resolutely as Yamaguchi is clutching his hand again (the touch has made it really hard to focus on the beautiful scenery right in front of him, to be honest). He tugs Yamaguchi a little so the other boy is turned around, his back against the worn railing in front of the waterfall. "Close your eyes, then," he whispers, bringing his free hand up to smooth down Yamaguchi's eyelids. They flutter closed obediently, but Yamaguchi's delicate eyelashes still brush against his fingertips. The sensation is fleeting and barely there, but it sends a shiver up his spine nonetheless. Needlessly, he keeps the palm of his hand gently over Yamaguchi's already closed eyes, his skin cool and soft to the touch. "I'm not that great at describing things. Out loud, at least."

"Kei, don't worry, alright? I just want to know what something beautiful looks like to you."

That statement wrenches at Tsukishima's insides, and he tucks it away into the back of his mind for another day. (Something beautiful? He gets to look at beautiful things every single day.) He moves his hand, sliding it down Yamaguchi's face––never breaking contact––so that he's cupping Yamaguchi's cheek, thumb smoothing over his freckles and sun-tanned skin. "It looks–it looks really majestic, I guess," he begins, stumbling a little over the words. "It's pretty incredible how there's something this big and dangerous out here just naturally, but we only appreciate it for its beauty."

"Keep going," Yamaguchi urges, smiling widely. He pulls Tsukishima's jacket tight around his shoulders, then brings their locked hands up to his chest, holding Tsukishima's own from both sides. Although Yamaguchi can't see, Tsukishima is very resolutely avoiding eye contact.

"There's a river all the way at the bottom of the waterfall. Maybe like fifty–or sixty meters down? That's where all of the water is going. I can hear it hitting the bottom. The way the water flows looks so smooth, like there isn't anything in the world that could stop it. And it's crystal-clear, too. So light blue it's almost white because of the sun reflecting off it."

"Mm," is all he gets in return, along with two squeezes on his hand. 

"The forest looks really nice, too. Everything about the place is nice, actually. I've never really just bothered staring at trees, but I don't mind it too much. Now I can see why you spent so much time looking at the sakura blossoms. But, yeah. It's just–it's so beautiful," he trails off, still mindlessly brushing the pad of his thumb across Yamaguchi's cheek. "Can you open your eyes now, Tadashi? This is getting kind of weird for me."

"Sorry, Tsukki!" he responds lightly, eyes flickering open. His brilliantly bright smile has grown even brighter. "I really liked that, though. Thanks for humoring me, Kei."

"…I can do it again another time, if you liked it that much."

"Yeah, I think that'd be really nice."

"Do you want to eat now? There's an on-site teahouse, so we can get some snacks. We'll have to go back to the city if you want real food, though."

"Okay!"

Yamaguchi keeps his glasses off for the walk back. It does take them quite a bit longer, meandering on the steps and listening to the wind rustle through the treetops, but it's a pleasant sort of feeling. Before they get all the way back up, Tsukishima stops, inclining his head. He presses a hasty kiss to Yamaguchi's face, lips ending up on the corner of the other boy's mouth. 

"Oh my God, Kei, you missed!"

"Shut up, Yamaguchi. No I didn't. That would be really stupid." And maybe his words would be a lot more convincing if he weren't flushed completely red. 

"It's okay," Yamaguchi says, still laughing. "Do that more often." He turns as well, rocking up onto the balls of his feet and pressing a soft kiss back to the corner of Tsukishima's mouth. It leaves him absolutely speechless, mind reeling and lips dropped slightly agape. "Let's go eat now––you're paying, remember~!"

Tsukishima does recover relatively quickly, schooling his expression back into his normal, don't-fuck-with-me-or-you'll-regret-it face, before remembering where he is and who he's with and relaxes into a half smile. "Thank you for coming with me today, Tadashi."

Maybe before, Yamaguchi would have vehemently denied this, refusing to believe that Tsukki would want to be here with him. But they're different now––he's different now. He knows Tsukki put a lot of thought into planning this simple outing, knows Tsukki still harbors an incredible amount of guilt for inflicting the seireiheiki on his best friend. He knows that this is Tsukki's way of showing how much he cares––Yamaguchi can practically feel the love and admiration seeping out of every quiet gesture. He knows how difficult all of this is, sees that Tsukki still does it all for him anyways. So, all he says is a quiet "Of course," flashing another megawatt smile as he slides both of his arms into the jacket that's still around his shoulders. "You're definitely not getting this back any time soon, by the way. I didn't know you owned anything this nice."

"That's fine. If you wear it home, that just means I'll have to drop by tomorrow to retrieve it, right?"

"If that's your excuse for coming over, it's a pretty shitty one."

"Fine, fine. Yamaguchi Tadashi, my brightest star, the light of my life, can I come over tomorrow just to see your lovely face?"

"Kei!!"

"Hm?"

"…Yeah, of course you can. I can't believe you just said that in public. Warn me next time or you're going to make me implode with my overwhelming feelings for you. Now get over here and kiss me again, goddamnit."

"Mm, alright, Tadashi."

-

("By the way, I was hoping you'd tell me what the word on my shirt means but you never did, so I guess I just have to ask you outright now."

"Tell me how you're in the same college-preparatory English class as me?"

"Hey!"

"It says  _ SUPERSTAR _ ."

"Well, yeah. I know what that word sounds like. I've never heard it, though––what does it mean?"

"…It means exactly what it sounds like it means, Yamaguchi."

"Oh great, so you're back to calling me Yamaguchi when you're in scary-teacher-mode? Where did the Tsukki who literally couldn't kiss me on the lips go?"

"…Scary-teacher-mode?"

"Never mind. So is it just like a really big star?"

"No, Yamaguchi."

" _ No, Yamaguchi. _ "

"I do  _ not _ sound like that. Guess I just won't explain it to you."

"Tsukki!!"

"It just–it means that you're like. The best. Ever."

"Is that why you were staring at my chest this entire day?"

"Maybe."

"TSUKKI!!")

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fluff overload whee- 
> 
> the inspo for this chapter was literally "pretty sightseeing date except only tsukki's seeing and he describes everything to yams". pls drop a comment and lmk what you thought it'd make my day <3
> 
> (((as my friend so eloquently said, yama IS a superstar but he's also tsukki's superstar but also he's a star and----)))


	3. lucky to have stayed where we have stayed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm lucky i'm in love with my best friend / lucky to have been where I have been / lucky to be coming home again
> 
> (chapter title and summary from the lyrics of "lucky" by jason mraz)

The last date had overall been pretty successful, if Tsukishima would like to say so himself. But the way Yamaguchi's been absolutely _bouncing_ around lately tells him that there's probably something coming up. (How is he going to top a damn _waterfall?_ )

He really is just doing this to himself, though. He doesn't mind the new second-year-squad that they've formed, but sometimes he just wants to eat lunch alone, _with his boyfriend goddamnit._ They barely get to see one another since Yamaguchi can't play volleyball competitively anymore (minus walks to and from school, being in the same classes, and spending weekends at one another's houses, but that's besides the point). Yamaguchi had dashed out of the classroom the moment the bell rang with not so much as a reaffirming hand squeeze goodbye. Tsukishima grumbles his way out to the ginkgo tree, headphones attached firmly to his ears. He feels his phone buzz and glares at the screen, even though it says Yamaguchi's name.

[12:10] from: yamaguchi tadashi

> aahdslkfj i'll meet you there tsukki!!  
> i think you have to babysit kageyama for a little bit but it should be fine right  
> you're good with children

[12:12]

just because i know how to entertain them doesn't mean i like them <  
and fine <  
hurry <

-

"Oi, how long has it been?"

"Since we've been here on our private lunch date together? I'd like to say not more than four minutes, but time does fly when you're around those who––"

"No, stupid. Since you've been. Y'know."

"Oh. Like three months, I guess? God, can you stop? Don't pretend like you're actually interested in my personal life––it's creepy."

"Only if you stop pretending you don't know the exact day you confessed to Yamaguchi. You're as whipped as they come."

"Tell me why I need to continue masquerading like I _care_ , again?"

"I think you should get him something. For your six months. You know, since he has to deal with that stick up your ass every single day."

"Huh, didn't expect that little walnut-sized neanderthal brain of yours to come up with something like that."

"Shut the fuck up, asshole."

"Make me, fuckass. Besides, it's kind of early for that."

"Don't you like to do things in advance, or whatever? Hinata says it makes you less nervous and that when you have everything planned out you're less of an ass."

"…Damn. To be honest, I didn't think half a year warranted anything special. Especially in comparison to how long we've known each other."

"Wow, Suga-san was totally right."

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing. Do you want me to help you with the gift or not?"

"What makes you think I'd ever ask you for help with anything that isn't directly related to setting or dairy? Yamaguchi isn't Ushijima-san or a cow, so I think you can leave now."

"Well, Hinata talks to me about Yamaguchi a lot. I think I know some things about him."

"Are you fucking kidding me? Do you even remember who I am, fucking troglodyte? I've known Yamaguchi from even before you and Hinata had your little sexual constipation glare-off in middle school. I literally talk to him every day."

"Oh. Dickwad."

"…This is why you don't have any friends except the people in the Volleyball Club."

"Oh please, are you saying you have other friends? Yamaguchi had to practically drag you by the leash he has you on to make you talk to me, Hinata, and Yachi. At least every single person under 170cm doesn't piss themselves when they see me."

"Kageyama, your resting bitch face makes you look like you're planning a murder using only those stupidly trimmed nails of yours. A bloody one. At least people are afraid of me because I want them to be. You literally don't know how to make a positive expression."

"I can't help it, when I'm around you I just have to use all the swears that Hinata makes me censor. It's hard holding it all in when I'm with him."

"Please never say those words to me again. Ever."

"What?"

"Ugh, never mind."

"You're such a little shit."

"I'm taller than you."

"Then _jump like it_ , idiot."

"That really is the extent of your vocabulary, isn't it? I shouldn't be surprised that we got back to talking about volleyball, but here we are."

"Shut the _fuck_ up. Idiot."

-

[12:22] 

yamaguchi <  
where are you <

[12:22] from: yamaguchi tadashi

> sorry tsukki!!  
> i'm busy today ;-;  
> i have something to do

[12:23]

i hate you <  
do you at least know where hinata and yachi are <  
i'm stuck with fucker-yama <

[12:24] from: yamaguchi tadashi

> wow since you're being so mean i guess i won't come eat with you  
> and hinata and yachi are with me  
> i need help :D  
> NOT UR HELP THOUGH SO DON'T COME D:

[12:26] 

i'm going insane <  
please save me <  
i'll be nice to fucker-yama i promise <

[12:27] from: yamaguchi tadashi

> that wasn't very nice >:(  
> just talk to kageyama today!!!  
> i know you swear a lot and use big words when ur extra grumpy but try not to scare him!!  
> pleaseee  
> i'll see you in class i really have to go now kk bye tsukki!!  
> mwah mwah mwah <3

[12:28]

yamaguchi <  
oh my god <  
you're so cute <  
i'm going to kill you after school <  
if i don't already get charged with fucker-yama's murder <  
put me in this position again and no one will ever see kageyama's face again <  
ever <

-

Yamaguchi turns off his phone, ignoring Tsukki's texts for what is probably the first time in his entire life. He takes a deep breath. "I have gathered you all here today," he begins, "for a very important reason." It's hard to tell, between Hinata and Yachi, who's more excited. They both haven't even bothered taking out their lunches, just stand there practically vibrating with matching wide-eyed grins. "I want to do something for Tsukki, and I need your help."

"AHHH!!"

Yamaguchi winces at this but is overall unsurprised. Yachi can be much louder than Hinata if presented with the right topic. He's only ever seen her this excited that one time Shimizu gave her a hug at her graduation last year. 

"Of course, you guys totally don't have to help if you don't want to––and I really mean that! I know there's the big tournament coming up, and you also have exams, and I know that Tsukki isn't really your favorite person to be around, and he's super picky, and––"

"Ya-ma-gu-chi!" Hinata interrupts, stretching out each syllable in his singsong voice that sometimes accompanies Yamaguchi's sleep paralysis demon after a particularly bad day. "We're going to know _everything_ about whatever date you're planning for Tsukishima, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about that." Yachi nods vigorously, her small hands clenched into fists. Yamaguchi can't help but smile. So much has changed. 

Yes, he's celebrating an important anniversary for a new part of his relationship with Tsukki, but this marks a milestone of change for himself as well. He's made new friends, tried new things, and stepped out of the cage he built around himself. He won't tell them now, but Hinata and Yachi––and even Kageyama––have changed his life in a way he hadn't ever thought would be possible, especially for someone like him.

(He slaps himself mentally at those words. _Bad Tadashi, bad_ , he grumbles to himself. _Yacchan would do that little angry pout, and Noya-senpai would bite you. Don't look down on yourself._ Honestly, it mostly works.)

"Ooh, let's go to my house later tomorrow!"

"Hinata-kun, you live on the other side of a literal mountain."

"I know, and that's why no one from school ever comes to visit me!"

That's… really sad, actually. Yamaguchi says as much before offering his own house as a potential meeting place. "My mom's always working late, so it'll be really quiet. Tsukki does live really close by, though."

"This is harder than I thought!" Hinata complains, finally pulling out his bento and inhaling half of it before Yamaguchi can even process the action. "Why don't we just text for now? Let's make a group chat."

"Don't we already have a group chat?"

"Not one with just the three of us. I'll call it _the not angry squad_."

"What?"

"We're the only ones in our group who don't have scary faces!"

"Tsukki's face is not scary!"

Yachi laughs at this, clapping her hands over her mouth right after like she's prone to do. "Yamaguchi-kun," she says gravely. "I am going to have to respectfully tell you that is one hundred percent wrong."

"I made the group chat!"

The bell rings after this, signaling the end of their lunch break. "I think I already have an idea, but I'll let you guys know. Thanks again!"

-

[15:51] from: hinata-kun! =≡Σ┌(;・ω・)┘  
to: the not angry squad

> YAMAYAMAYAMA  
> TELL US UR IDEAS  
> AND HURRY OR CAPTAIN WILL YELL AT ME FOR BEING ON MY PHONE

[15:52] from: yachi! ฅ(•ㅅ•❀)ฅ  
to: the not angry squad

> um  
> hinata  
> i'm the senior manager now so that means i can yell at you too

[15:52] from: hinata-kun! =≡Σ┌(;・ω・)┘  
to: the not angry squad

> HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME  
> YAMAAA  
> SAVE ME 

[16:01]

sorry guys!! <  
tsukki was walking me home :D <  
tsukki doesn't like gifts but i still want to get him something <  
there's this cake shop i want to try too <

[18:20] from: yacchan! ฅ(•ㅅ•❀)ฅ  
to: the not angry squad

> oooh cake sounds so cute !!  
> i'd love if someone took me to get cake for our anniversary T-T

[18:24] from: hinata-kun! =≡Σ┌(;・ω・)┘  
to: the not angry squad

> CAKE??

[18:30]

hinata is ur caps button broken <

[18:32] from: hinata-kun! =≡Σ┌(;・ω・)┘  
to: the not angry squad

> NO ?  
> WHY

[18:33]

;;; <  
forget i asked, actually <

[18:33] from: hinata-kun! =≡Σ┌(;・ω・)┘  
to: the not angry squad

> OKAY! :DDD

-

Lunch with Kageyama was hellish, but Yamaguchi refuses to say anything about where he and the others were. He was blabbering about anything and everything during their walk home after school, probably to avoid accidentally giving himself away. Normally his nonstop chatter is endearing, but Tsukishima is getting a little peeved, likely just because _Hinata_ and maybe even _Kageyama_ know something about Yamaguchi that he doesn't. Yamaguchi is blessedly there the next two days at lunch, but on Friday, he disappears again.

"Not this bullshit," he mutters, turning around immediately when he sees only Kageyama sitting on the ground beneath the gingko tree.

Kageyama calls out a few halfhearted "Oi!"s, but eventually just goes back to eating, not sparing Tsukishima another glace (he could honestly care less). As much as he slinks around the school, however, he can't seem to find Yamaguchi. How is he supposed to plan a proper six month anniversary date if he can't be around his main source of inspiration and motivation for day-to-day life?

On Sunday night, he finally gets a call. He considers letting it go to voicemail but eventually decides that petty move is beneath him. Besides, he can always scold Yamaguchi over the phone as well. It's great because he already has everything planned out. First, he'll open with a smooth, nonchalant half-greeting, completely stopping Yamaguchi in his tracks. Then, after making sure Yamaguchi thoroughly feels ashamed for depriving him of attention for this entire week, he'll slide in a _Hmm, Tadashi?_ or two as he thinks about where to take them on their next date (which is in… three months…). He'll also probably invite Yamaguchi over, but whose house they go to isn't that important right now. It's a foolproof plan.

"This had better be good, Yamaguchi."

"Hi, Tsukki!"

"So, were you going to––"

"Sorry, Tsukki, but I need to ask you something! Are you free next week?"

"…Um, are you running right now?"

"Nope! I'm biking home from Hinata's. I don't know how he does this every day. Next week. Probably Thursday. You don't have anything going on, right, Tsukki?"

"You have a bike?"

"Yes, Tsukki, I thought we already established that."

"I didn't know that."

"Neither did I, actually. I had to pump up the tires at Shimada Mart before I left. Kei! Answer my question! Actually, don't. If you're not free next Thursday, make yourself free. I'm going to take you out this time! Ohh my _God_ a cat just ran in front of me I hate myself I think I almost killed it. There are _not_ enough streetlights in this neighborhood this can't possibly be legal. You'll have to help me reread the legal codes next time or else I'll be charged with cat-murder. Bye, Tsukki!"

_Click_.

What the fuck?

(He's pretty sure Yamaguchi didn't have a step-by-step plan for their phone conversation, but somehow Tsukishima is the one flushed a terribly conspicuous shade of pink all the way to the tips of his ears.)

-

Yamaguchi looks incredibly cute, his thick glasses balanced on the bridge of his nose, arms swinging widely. They're holding hands––something Tsukishima had to get over pretty quickly––so by extension, Tsukishima's arm is swinging as well. Yamaguchi is talking about… Hinata?

"Natsu-chan is just _so_ adorable, and his whole family is so loud and bubbly, just like him! I don't understand how Hinata can bike so far every single day just to get to school––I'd never be able to do it. And that means I wouldn't get to walk with you either, Kei! Oh, did I also tell you that Hinata got a 70% on his English exam the other day? Yacchan was so proud of him! I'm so proud of him! Aren't you proud of him, Kei?"

Every time his given name comes out of Yamaguchi's mouth, in that soft, bright voice, he feels like he's falling in love all over again, as cliché as that is. Is this how Yamaguchi had felt all those months? Yearning from a distance, getting to see a bona fide sunrise every time his best friend smiled––how had Yamaguchi done this? Their hands are intertwined, and Tsukishima has the freedom to look as closely at his boyfriend as he wants, but he still feels like it's not enough. He wants _more_. More closeness, more time together, more everything. He can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like for Yamaguchi, dealing with his oblivious aloofness and the cordial distance that always used to separate them on their walks.

"I missed you last week, Tadashi."

"Tsu-kki! You did?"

"You're acting like that's something you didn't already know. I've been lonely."

"Aww, Tsukki! Kei!! You're so cute!" Yamaguchi stops, using his free hand to thread through Tsukishima's hair and pull his face down so their eyes are level with one another. "I really am sorry I couldn't eat lunch with you these past few days, but I promise that it'll be worth it!" Before Tsukishima can say anything, Yamaguchi leans in, giving him a hard, brief kiss that pretty much wrecks him. The frames of their glasses knock together, and Yamaguchi pulls back immediately, cheeks red. 

"Warn me when you do that next time," Tsukishima manages, pushing his glasses up on his nose. He's blushing, though.

"Now you know how it feels, Kei!" Yamaguchi pulls him the rest of the way toward his small house. "Your mom isn't expecting you home for a few hours, right?"

"Yeah, but that's because I'm supposed to have _volleyball practice_ right now."

"Oh please, Ennoshita-san has nothing on Daichi-san. Now hurry up and come in already."

When they're inside the Yamaguchi residence, Tsukishima is… bewildered, to say the least. "Yamaguchi––not that I'm not enjoying this––but what brought on this new attitude?"

"What do you mean, Tsukki?"

"I hope you know you don't have to, like, prove yourself to me or anything. Or pay me back for the date. I did it for you. And I'm never going to force you to do anything you don't want to, so we can take it a little slower if that's what you'd prefer."

"Kei. Tsukki. _Kei_ . I've wanted to do this for so, _so_ long. You don't even understand. You know the way you look at me sometimes when we're alone? That feeling you get that's so strong I can even see it on your grumpy face? That's how I've felt about you forever now. Put your backpack down already, Jesus."

It's not very often that Tsukishima is shocked speechless, much less by Yamaguchi. (He can only remember that happening two times in the whole time they've known one another: first when Yamaguchi stomped his tiny middle-school foot and stated that they were going to be continuing volleyball at Karasuno together, and second during that one Tokyo training camp. This is number three, apparently.)

Once they're in Yamaguchi's bedroom, he slams the door shut, even though there's no one else in the house to hear them. Tsukishima is grateful for the semblance of privacy. "Tadashi," he says gently, turning to clutch both of Yamaguchi's arms and look him straight in the eyes. "You know you don't have to do this unless you really want it, right? I don't want to make you do something you'll regret."

"Okay, now I guess I know why everyone is always pestering me to stop being so down on myself. Of _course_ I want this, Tsukki!" He stops his frantic motions, looking the other boy back in the eyes. They really are so beautiful, his eyes. Shimmering in the sunlight that blossoms through the window panes, flecks of gold clearly evident. It was a sight he never thought he'd be able to see again, but here they are. "C'mon," he urges, pulling Tsukishima into the bed, taking both their glasses off in the process and folding them neatly on the nightstand. They've spent hours upon hours here, in this very room, but everything they do feels different now. In the back of his mind, Yamaguchi has a bit of hesitancy about showing his boyfriend all the embarrassing things in his room and his messy bed (Tsukki is _too_ neat) and the lack of photos or personal items hung upon the walls, but he quickly pushes this away. The room screams _Tsukki_ just as much as he does himself. 

In his bathroom, there is a bottle of hand soap and shampoo in Tsukki's favorite scent.

On his desk, the textbooks are bookmarked with loose sheets of paper, littered with both of their handwriting. (He took one of Tsukki's pencils from the last time they studied together, and it's still balanced on top of his stack of books.)

In his closet, he has his Karasuno Volleyball Club jersey hung up––the number on it one after Tsukki's.

On the walls, there is a sticker Akiteru gave him that he didn't really mean to stick up, but Tsukki told him to leave it there, so he did.

On top of his nightstand, there is the small box of his stars. (Looking at them doesn't hurt anymore. They've lost their glow though. The way the roles have reversed doesn't get past him; everything is brighter than before, and his star tears shine dimly like waning light bulbs.)

And finally, on his bed, by his side, is Tsukki. 

So, yeah, he has nothing to be worried about. This room is as familiar to Tsukki as it is to him, and the same can be said for Tsukki's bedroom. There really isn't a better place in the world for them to experience their firsts. Tsukki still looks pretty uncomfortable, like he doesn't understand how or why Yamaguchi is doing this. Maybe before, he would've let Tsukki's doubt seep into his own mind, convince him that the other boy doesn't actually want to be here, but these past few weeks––few months––have changed him. He's more confident, more bold. He knows himself and what he wants. 

He wants to show Tsukki this, too.

"Hey." There's a soft smile playing on his lips, his forehead creasing with a tender affection as he flips them over so Tsukki is lying beneath him. (After this, he'll let himself laugh because Tsukki is almost _trembling_ , eyes wide and uncertain like a newborn deer.) "You want me too, don't you, Tsukki?"

Tsukki takes a breath. Exhales. "You really do want this, huh?" _You really do want me?_

"With everything that I am, Kei."

That seems to finally convince him because Tsukishima allows himself to relax, the muscle in his jaw unclenching and his fists smoothing out as he wraps his arms around Yamaguchi's neck. "Then what are you waiting for, Tadashi? I'm right here." He pulls himself up a little bit, leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses down Yamaguchi's jawline and eventually landing on his neck. "If you want it so bad, take it."

" _Fuck_ , Kei," he pants, pushing Tsukishima down so they're both pressed tightly together against the mattress. "You don't even know how much I've thought about this." He grinds his hips down, causing Tsukishima to moan deeply into his mouth. 

"You–you think about me? Like that?" he breathes out in between kisses, fingers sliding into Yamaguchi's long, soft hair and tugging at his scalp.

"God, Tsukki," Yamaguchi laughs, pulling away for a moment. "I'm not going to answer that, okay?" Then he drops back down, rolling his hips again and––yeah––Tsukishima isn't going to bother asking any more stupid questions. 

For a little while, they lapse into that comfortable silence they're so familiar with, the one where neither of them speaks, and they're just surrounded by the unwavering sound of background noise. The background noise here, however, isn’t a droning narrator detailing bland facts about astronomy or wildlife, or even the distant hum of the air conditioning. It’s the wet slide of their lips, Tsukki's tongue licking with wanton need into the inside of his mouth, his teeth nipping gently at Tsukki's bottom lip. He's never felt more in tune with his best friend; right now, it feels like his entire body has been set on fire by Tsukki, but they are joined together in the flames. "Tadashi," he hears faintly, whispered into his ear and sealed away in the kisses against his collarbone. "Tadashi, Tadashi, _Tadashi_." The sound positively lights him up, unfurls the slow, pulsing flame in his chest that he'd doused himself to maintain some form of self control. Tsukki’s touch is like a matchstick, drawn to the flammable strokes of his own yearning body. 

"Kei," he pleads in return, brushing his thumb against Tsukki's perfect jaw and kissing and kissing and kissing until he's forced to surface for air. "I'm so glad you're here with me, Kei." Saying that isn't new, but it's a different context this time. He thinks back to just a short while ago, when he'd said the same thing after Tsukki had comforted him in this very bed. The same words, but a whole new world of meaning.

"Mmm," Tsukki hums against his lips in agreement. 

When they finally break apart, Yamaguchi is grinning so widely that he's sure even Tanaka would be proud of the feats his eyes imply he's accomplished. 

"Happy anniversary, Tsukki!"

"What? Fuck!” Tsukishima’s eyes blow wide, and there’s a kind of instinctive fear that contrasts the way his chest is heaving up and down. “Yamaguchi, I was supposed to be the one surprising you! I can't believe you snuck this up on me and––"

"I'm just surprised you even remembered! Didn't really think it was your thing, and Kageyama told me you didn't see the point in anniversary celebrations…"

"Kageyama? That little bitch. Of course I remembered! What do you take me for? How could I forget that we've been together for an entire half a––" Tsukishima's mouth snaps shut, and he narrows his eyes. "Wait. It's only been like three and a half months. What anniversary are you talking about?"

"Half a year? What? I meant our one hundred day anniversary! We've been dating for one hundred days exactly; that's really special, Kei!"

"…You realize that that isn't a thing in Japan, right? Is this from one of your K-dramas again?"

Yamaguchi nods sheepishly, lying his head down on top of Tsukishima's warm chest to avoid direct eye contact. "I know you probably haven't heard of it, but I thought it was really cute, and I wanted to show you how much you've changed me as a person––in the best way! So... happy anniversary?”

"One hundred days, huh… I will admit that you caught me completely off guard, but I think I remember hearing you talk about it before. And you really have come so far." He doesn't make Yamaguchi look at him, just smooths his hair down with one hand and drapes the other over Yamaguchi's back. "It's… crazy, almost, seeing you now. I know it's not all because of me, and I don't want to take all the credit, but you've become so much more confident and comfortable with yourself. Since we first met, of course, but since high school in particular. It kind of scared me when you started pulling away from me because of the seireiheiki, but the way I see you now… I want to do whatever I can so you'll stay like this forever."

"Kei––!" he mumbles with a laugh, voice muffled against Tsukishima's chest. He nuzzles his face in further, trying and failing to hide his expression. 

"Oh, so now you're going to act all shy?"

"Stop it, Tsukki!" Yamaguchi can feel his face heating up, inexplicably embarrassed by the compliments compared to what they just did, but he's smiling so wide his cheeks hurt. 

"Ennoshita-san is going to kill me, by the way."

"Mm. Let's do this again sometime."

"Oh my _God_ , Yamaguchi."

"Wait, are you telling me you were planning our sixth month anniversary _three whole months_ in advance?"

"Damn, you picked that up, huh?"

"Also, I can't believe you thought I would do this for our six months! I'm going to take you somewhere so cool and blow your mind, Tsukki!"

Tsukishima looks down at the boy lying on top of him, smiling, thinking that this is probably the best thing he's ever experienced. (The best part actually is that he knows it's only going to get better. What they've done so far? Nothing, in comparison to what he has planned.) "And as much as I'm looking forward to it, I'm going to completely knock you out right after with my plans, so I hope you're ready for me, Tadashi." 

(They end up falling asleep like that, curled up in one another's arms, and Ennoshita doesn't actually get too mad. Tsukishima thinks a few laps of flying falls at Friday morning practice isn't so bad, especially with all the pent up energy he needs to work off.)

-

[07:18] from: hinata-kun! =≡Σ┌(;・ω・)┘  
to: the not angry squad

> HOW DID IT GO HEHEHEH

[08:42]

success! <  
i think not getting him a material gift was definitely the right move <

[08:46] from: yacchan! ฅ(•ㅅ•❀)ฅ  
to: the not angry squad

> that's great to hear!! :D  
> you know we expect all the details, right?

[08:48]

obviously ;) <  
you know where i'll be during lunch <

[08:51] from: yacchan! ฅ(•ㅅ•❀)ฅ  
to: the not angry squad

> YES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!! now with amazing stunning wonderful showstopping out-of-this-world beautiful glorious art by [claire](https://twitter.com/claireiosity/status/1340683765639749634?s=21) @/claireiosity on twitter !!!!
> 
> my first time writing anything that's beyond soft kisses bsjkd despite having read literal smut so many times?? PSA: yachi/hinata/yama text in the SAME WAY. that's all.


	4. my good night sleep when the day is new

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kinda like the feeling after your first kiss / except that everyday she makes me feel like this / she's exactly what I need
> 
> (chapter title and summary from the lyrics of "lemonade" by jeremy passion)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i literally wrote this all in one sitting so it's shorter than i wanted it to be, kind of as a fuck you to the people who flamed my essay anonymously in class today but also for jenna because she holds my beating heart in her bare hands <3 enjoy

They decide, after one of the biggest fights they've had since before they got together, that Yamaguchi will get to plan part one of their six-month-anniversary. He'd been so worried about how Tsukishima's date would make him rethink everything, despite the other boy's best attempts at consolation. It's become something of a contest, almost, the way they're trying to make the most extravagant but in character plans possible while not letting the other find out. And Yamaguchi does do his very best to find out. 

"You don't have to surprise me, Tsukki!" he assures, but Tsukishima knows how much Yamaguchi loves surprises, so he crosses _amusement park_ off his list when Yamaguchi finds a brochure sticking out of his backpack. Yamaguchi can be a conniving little shit when he wants to be––and he definitely wants to be right now. 

Tsukishima, on the other hand, doesn't particularly care for surprises, but he also really doesn't care for the effort it'd take to track Yamaguchi's every move. Besides, he knows that whatever his boyfriend has planned will make him happy. (Primarily, just being with Yamaguchi is a 10/10 experience all day every day. But he also knows that Yamaguchi would only ever choose something they'd both wholeheartedly enjoy, and they've known one another for long enough to know what types of activities those are.) 

Yamaguchi gets them tickets to a classical concert. It's… almost _too_ nice. "Are you sure you'll enjoy this, too, Tadashi?" he asks gently, worrying, but Yamaguchi just presents him with that glowing smile that stretches across his whole face.

"I've been listening to music a lot more, lately," he says in response, nudging their feet together under the small café table. He locks his ankle around Tsukishima's. "It helps my headaches."

"But classical music? I thought you didn't like that."

"I've been listening to more classical lately."

"Why?"

"I guess just because when I do, it reminds me of you, Kei!"

Tsukishima's face flushes red at this and he ducks his head, going to adjust his glasses with his right hand before he realizes Yamaguchi has held it hostage under the table. "We should get going now, or we'll be late." They're definitely not going to be late anytime soon, but Yamaguchi just laughs and nods. He takes Tsukishima's drink off the table, sipping the last of it and then depositing it neatly in the garbage can nearby. "Yamaguchi. I wanted that," Tsukishima says, frowning. His face is still slightly pink, and he's still very much holding hands with his boyfriend, so the venom in his words is all but completely diluted.

"No, you didn't," Yamaguchi lilts with a cheeky grin. He unwinds himself from the other boy, first untwisting his ankle, then taking great care in unlacing each of their fingers. "I tasted it, Tsukki. They accidentally gave you 80% sugar instead of 100%. You did _not_ want that drink." He looks up, forcing himself to make eye contact with those beautiful, shining eyes, eyes he knows the color of like he knows himself, even if he can't see the same flashes of gold he used to be able to.

"No, I didn't," Tsukishima acquiesces. It's kind of funny how much of a sweet tooth he has. When they start to walk to the theater, the distance between them that's been slowly shrinking over the years is gone. They bodies brush against one another everywhere, always touching––arms, legs, shoulders, hips.

As they enter and find their seats––very good ones, if Yamaguchi can say so himself––they're both looking particularly excited. Tsukishima because music is one of the only things that gets him through the day, and Yamaguchi because he managed to get Tsukishima excited. "Do you like it, Tsukki?" he frets, fingers reaching up to pull at his bangs.

"It hasn't even started yet."

"But still! Was this an okay idea?"

An okay idea? Tsukishima allows himself a few moments to contemplate this, to think of all the care and consideration Yamaguchi put into planning this special day. He doesn't really care for material gifts, and being a cliché is one of his worst fears––Yamaguchi knows this. That's why there are no chocolates, no flowers or stuffed animals. There's no fanfare, just the two of them in a quiet concert hall, listening to the serene buzz of the orchestra beginning to tune. Before, they'd gotten sweets and drinks, something they'd been doing for years that didn't become any less special each time. 

"It's perfect," Tsukishima says simply, and he leaves it at that. As soon as the conductor introduces the first piece, Yamaguchi takes off his glasses, cleaning the lenses with the hem of his shirt before folding them into their case. 

("Why do you always take them off when you're with me? I know you say your head hurts, but there must be another reason."

"My head _does_ hurt, Tsukki! I keep them on most of the time because I want to be able to see everything that I can, you know?"

"Not really, but go on."

"I wear them too long during school and when Okaa-san is home, which is probably why I get headaches so often. But I don't really need to wear them around you. I just… I've spent so long looking at you, I figured I should focus on experiencing other things when we're together."

"Oh." He has to think about this. Yamaguchi has memorized the color of his eyes, the curve of his smile, can tell the sharpness in his gaze just by hearing his tone of voice. How long has Yamaguchi been watching him like that? He's only recently started looking back, and there's so much to take in all at once that he often gets overwhelmed. He really has been the blind one this whole time, Tsukishima thinks.)

The first song begins in earnest, and Tsukishima finds himself drifting off into his thoughts. His music taste has changed over the years, undoubtedly, but he's pretty sure classical is the genre that he's stuck with the longest. It's not the best for when he's in one of his nasty, snarky moods, but it does provide a soothing, familiar background noise to calm his nerves while he's doing homework or out jogging. He knows he should be paying more attention because they're _here_ , at a _live concert_ , but it all just feels like background noise again. From his seat, he can see the concertmistress clearly, her sleek hair pulled back into an impeccable bun. She all but glitters on stage, the passion and determination with which she plays coming through with every note. But even though he knows he should be watching her pour her soul into this piece, Tsukishima's eyes keep skittering away from the stage and to his side, where there is another glittering masterpiece waiting right there for him.

Yamaguchi's eyes are closed. The wrinkle he gets in his brow when he overthinks things is gone, the skin smooth. Tsukishima wants to reach out and brush his fingertips over Yamaguchi's forehead. With a start, he realizes that _wait, I can actually do that now,_ and so he does. Yamaguchi's inhale catches at the touch, and his eyelashes flutter slightly, but he doesn't move otherwise. Tsukishima lets his fingers trail down, feeling soft, smooth skin and pressing over each freckle. In the background, the brass line launches into a dazzling crescendo, and the music washes over him like a cresting wave. Beneath his fingers, Yamaguchi's eyelashes tremble.

With his arm resting on the seat, Yamaguchi's fingers are tapping lightly. He's smiling sweetly, with a raw sense of openness that tells Tsukishima the other boy probably isn't even aware of how he looks like he was crafted purely from stardust and plucked out of the celestial heavens––handmade by the gods. The sprinkle of freckles on his cheeks look like stars. Tsukishima tries for a moment to guess what the other boy is imagining that's making him smile like that right now, before realizing, _wait, I can literally just ask him about that now, too,_ and so he does that, too. 

"Tadashi," he says softly, carefully, like he's waking his boyfriend from a pleasant dream. He might as well be, with the way Yamaguchi is entranced by the music. "What are you thinking about?" The symphony has moved on to their second piece. It begins with a delicate, crooning duet between a flute and an oboe, passing the melody back and forth seamlessly. They're both soprano instruments, in the same high range, but the timbre of each voice is distinctly different. 

"Hmm," Yamaguchi sighs, leaning forward as if to become more immersed in the show. "I like this part. It sounds like a story."

"All music tries to tell a story, Tadashi," he teases, sliding his hand down to Yamaguchi's wrist where it settles. If he pulls up the sleeve of Yamaguchi's jacket, he can see the splash of freckles that trail up Yamaguchi's forearm. It's a nice thought, being able to see those freckles, so he does. This whole freedom thing... he can definitely get used to it. "What are you seeing right now?"

Yamaguchi's eyes are still closed, so it seems like a pretty stupid question, but he _knows_ Tsukki, and so he hears the meaning underneath. "It sounds like... a love story, to be honest. Sorry, I know that's really lame, but it's like they're singing together."

In any other case, Tsukishima would have scoffed and brushed the idea aside, but it's _Yamaguchi_ , so he takes a moment to consider. The rest of the symphony has joined in, bolstering the crystal clear vibrato of the flute and lifting the darker oboist's sound to join it. They meld together in a beautiful harmony that leaves him feeling like someone's peeled off a layer of his heart. His insides feel like they've been rubbed raw, until they're shining and impossibly smooth. Oh. So this is what Yamaguchi means. 

"Don't you always tell me not to talk during movies, Tsukki? You shouldn't be asking anymore questions. Just listen."

"Hm."

"Why don't you try closing your eyes too? It really does feel different."

And so, Tsukishima lets his eyes fall shut, too lazy to take his glasses off, and listens. This song has almost reached its peak as well, the wave teetering on the precipice before it comes crashing down in a burst of seafoam and salt. He lets the music run over him, lets it take him to the steady lull of the ocean as it washes him away. He normally listens to his headphones with his eyes closed if he's particularly stressed, but something about being this close to the actual performers tugs at him differently. With his hand still resolutely on Yamaguchi's arm, he keeps his eyes closed for the rest of the concert.

"I'm really surprised you didn't clap in between movements," Tsukishima says when they leave. Yamaguchi is bouncing and bright like always, this time clutching the sleeve of Tsukishima's jacket.

"Well, I know it's bad manners to clap before a piece is actually over, and I didn't want to embarrass myself, so I just… didn't clap at all?"

Tsukishima actually stops walking at this. He takes a moment to just stare at Yamaguchi, taking in the earnest way he admits this and the ever-present crinkle of his eyes when he smiles. "You're impossible, Tadashi," he says fondly and laughs. He'd been so glad Yamaguchi was laughing more often now that he hadn't even realized how much happier he's been himself. He laughs so much more often now. It feels great, when he doesn't have to ration out his joy each day. Yamaguchi has provided him with an endless supply, an all-expenses-paid plan of smiles. "Thank you."

"Happy anniversary, Kei! I can't believe it's only been half a year!"

"We've known one another for so much longer than that, so yeah, it does feel like it's been way longer. Are you going to let me help you pay for the tickets? I know how expensive they are."

"If you ask that again I will sic Kageyama-kun on you, Tsukki." Yamaguchi's face is incredibly serious. It's kind of scary.

"Ah. I'm not that desperate yet, I guess. Happy anniversary, Tadashi."

-

Their anniversary had fallen on a Tuesday, and Yamaguchi had insisted on going out on the _exact day_ ("It won't be as special otherwise, Kei!"), but Tsukishima does not mind being a few days off. He knows Yamaguchi knows he knows (what a mouthful) when their actual anniversary is, so they agreed to let part two be on the following Saturday. 

"It's not really a date," Tsukishima admits, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. "But I did get you some things. Since you like presents."

"Tsu-kki!" Yamaguchi laughs, breathless and ecstatic and basking in the glow of his affection. "I didn't get you any––"

"Yamaguchi. Shut up. You know that isn't important to me."

"Yeah, I guess I do."

They step into the small, quiet house, where Yamaguchi Ayame has left a store bought cake in the fridge and a note for "my dear Tadashi" on the kitchen table. Other than the tired but surefire love radiating off the little sticky note in front of them, they are alone together right now. "Do you want to open them here? Or we can go to your room."

"Here's fine, wherever. 'Just wanna be with you, Kei." That makes Tsukishima blush, like the complete infant that he is, and he busies himself with unzipping his backpack to take out the treasures he's brought. 

"Um. I got you some of this. Hand sanitizer. I figured a practical gift would be best."

Yamaguchi grabs it out of his hands immediately, letting out an unearthly squeal. When he flicks open the cap, a familiar scent wafts out. "Kei!! Is this the same type that you always bring with you to school?"

"...Yes?"

"Oh my God, you got me a matching hand sanitizer."

"Huh. I guess I did?"

"Oh my God. Kei. It's from the same set as your shampoo and hand soap. I'm going to combust." He holds the little green bottle up to his face, like he's afraid it'll disappear.

"Honestly, Tadashi," Tsukishima manages through a small chuckle, "Only you would get this excited about something so small." _And only I would spend two days thinking of a gift idea, just to buy you a travel-sized matching hand sanitizer bottle._

"I love it," he declares, leaning over to press a sound kiss to the corner of Tsukishima's mouth. 

"If you're done freaking out about your new best friend, I do have something else."

"You're the one who said it's my new best friend, not me. Besides, Tsukki, someone needs to fill the spot you left open when you switched to being my boyfriend instead." Tsukishima is blushing––again––so he takes out the second item to hide his face, even though he's pretty sure Yamaguchi can still see him. "Alright, it's over. You peaked with the last present."

"What?"

"This doesn't even come close to topping the hand sanitizer. And to think I was so excited for another Tsukki-miracle. Are you trying to make fun of me, Kei?"

"I–What? No, of course not, what are you––"

"Because really, I know you think I'm a lot less smart than you, and I totally am, but you didn't have to go rubbing it in my face on our _anniversary_ , Kei!"

"What? Tadashi, what are you talking about? These are just––"

"Poems? In _English?_ Honestly, how rude, Kei." 

Tsukishima is just standing there, clutching the thin, gilded poetry book––which, yes, is in English––with both hands, looking like he's one second away from throwing himself out the nearest window. His gold eyes are wide and panicked, mouth dropped open with incredulous fear. Yamaguchi doesn't like his present––no, Yamaguchi thinks he's being made fun of, thinks Tsukishima hates him, and Kei is the worst boyfriend ever, how could he have ever possibly thought this would be a good idea, and––

Yamaguchi doubles over the table, hands clutching at his sides. "I–I'm kidding, Kei," he breathes out through peals of laughter, throwing himself at Tsukishima and wrapping his arms around the other boy's neck. Tsukishima reciprocates the hug, mostly out of instinct, before letting the extent of the situation dawn on him. "Please don't be mad." 

Is he mad? How could he ever be mad––when Yamaguchi is smiling at him like that and squeezing him like he'll never let go. "Tadashi," he chokes out, relief blooming over his delicate features. "I hate you."

Yamaguchi buries his head further into Tsukishima's chest, laughing and laughing and pressing stray kisses into his collarbones. "I love it, Kei. I really do." Underneath his cheek, he can feel Tsukishima's heartbeat slowing, the rise and fall of his chest tempering into a calmer pattern. "I can't wait to hear you read them to me."

Tsukishima doesn't bother trying to refute that point. He'd bought the book with that very idea in mind, and he'd never be able to deny Yamaguchi's request for him to read the lines out loud anyway. "Mm," he hums, hooking his chin over Yamaguchi's shoulder. Yamaguchi smells like him, Tsukishima realizes, all minty and warm and like the scent of his mother's cooking. It feels like home in every sense. 

"By the way, I hope you don't think I didn't actually not get you something."

"You're _such_ a little shit."

"Mm. Come on, I really do want to show you this." _This_ turns out to be photographs of the two of them that Yamaguchi got printed. There are about seven pictures, stacked neatly into a crisp envelope that says "Tsukki!" on it. "I got you a frame, too," he says sheepishly. "But I didn't know which picture you'd like best, so I just left it empty for now. Do you like it?"

"You really need to stop asking me those kinds of questions. I was considering getting you back for earlier because you definitely deserve it, but then I remembered how much better I could exact my revenge at school. And yes. I love it." Tsukishima doesn't take the photos out, just sets the envelope and frame carefully on Yamaguchi's dresser before stepping closer. Why would he bother looking at photos when the real thing is right here in front of him? Like he'd realized on Tuesday, nothing beats a live performance. 

He pulls Yamaguchi down onto the bed with him, and they curl up together. In this room, with the sunlight streaming in and the love of his life in his arms, his heart is just so, so full. There truly is no other place he'd rather be. Ever.

("We can also watch some of those stupid movies you like."

"Isn't it documentary day, though?"

"I'm not offering again, Tadashi.")

(Tsukishima leaves the picture frame empty, claiming it would be a grievous offense if he deemed one picture of them to be better than the others. Yamaguchi smacks him, and then makes him tape up the rest on his bedroom wall, all frameless. It looks better like that, anyway.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FLUFF!! absolute tkym brainrot. like, there's nothing left of my brain. it's all gone. just,, two stupid stupid boys madly in love. i've lost all sense of time so sorry for the slightly late update :( but to the eight..? of you who have subscribed to this story, thank you from the bottom of my heart <3.


	5. i'm thinking baby, you and i are undeniable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'cause you're a pretty little windstorm out on the boulevard / something like a sunset, oh, you're a shooting star / and i might drive myself insane / if those lips aren't speaking my name
> 
> (chapter title and summary from the lyrics of "love like woe" by the ready set)

[11:49] from: yacchan! ฅ(•ㅅ•❀)ฅ  
to: the not angry squad

> hi guys!!  
> let's hang out this weekend!!!

[11:53] from: yacchan! ฅ(•ㅅ•❀)ฅ

> only if you want to of course!! >_<

[12:30] hinata-kun! =≡Σ┌(;・ω・)┘  
to: the not angry squad

> OKOKOK!! :D  
> yamayama are you coming??

[12:51]

yayay i'd love to :D <

-

[15:03] from: tsukki!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

> come over tomorrow

[15:05]

why tsukki?!?!? <  
also i'm supposed to see hinata-kun and yacchan tomorrow sooo <

[15:06] from: tsukki!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

> don't do that

[15:07]

tsukkiiii <  
why??? <

[15:07] from: tsukki!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

> i miss you

[15:08]

TSUKKI we saw each other at school today <  
but <   
i miss you too!! <   
lots and lots <

[15:10] from: tsukki!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

> yeah  
> <3

-

[15:11]

ahh i'm so sorry!!! but i can't come tomorrow :(( <

[15:40] from: hinata-kun! =≡Σ┌(;・ω・)┘  
to: the not angry squad

> NOO  
> WAS IT TSUKISHIMA

[15:43]

yeah :,) <

[15:42] from: hinata-kun! =≡Σ┌(;・ω・)┘  
to: the not angry squad

> STUPID  
> MEAN   
> YAMA-STEALER

[15:50] from: yacchan! ฅ(•ㅅ•❀)ฅ  
to: the not angry squad

> i'm very sorry to tell you this 

[15:50] from: hinata-kun! =≡Σ┌(;・ω・)┘  
to: the not angry squad

> she is NOT sorry to tell you this

[15:51] from: yacchan! ฅ(•ㅅ•❀)ฅ  
to: the not angry squad

> but we're going to have to replace you with kageyama-kun then :(

[15:52]

i'll tell tsukki hi from you guys :D <

-

"Tadashi."

"Hm?"

" _Ta-_ dashi."

"I'm right here, Kei."

"Ta- _da_ -shi."

"God, Kei," Yamaguchi says, his laugh muffled by the fabric of Tsukishima's shirt, where his face is currently smushed. "You're so needy."

Tsukishima lets out an irritated sound but doesn't make any effort to deny this (he knows there'd be no point, anyway). "Your words mean nothing to me when you're lying in my lap like this." The fingers of his right hand are carding through Yamaguchi's hair, his left hand flipping through apps on his phone. Both sets of their legs are mashed together in a convenient pile of organized chaos on Tsukishima's bed. (Honestly, two above-average-height boys is much more than the legal capacity for this mattress, but their lanky limbs stubbornly refuse to move anywhere else.)

" _Ta-da-shi_ ––!!"

"Oh my God."

"How was that?"

"I do _not_ sound like that, Yamaguchi. Quit mocking me."

"I'm not mocking! You're cute when you're like this."

"Gross."

Yamaguchi turns his head, a sly grin already forming on his lips. He drops a soft, sweet kiss on Tsukishima's lips, lingering for a moment. Their glasses are both off, but the fuzzy way Tsukishima looks does fit the warm, dreamlike air in the room. Tsukki is practically glowing in the late afternoon light, his blonde hair backlit with the golden rays of the sun, eyes sparkling just as brightly. Tsukki's cheeks color a delicate pink, matching the full swell of his lips, and he opens his mouth, struggling for words.

"You–Tadashi––" 

Tsukishima has lots of things he wants to let Yamaguchi know, to say the least. He wants to say that he wishes he could rattle off compliments without a second thought, but the words that are so well put together in his mind won't fit themselves into coherent sentences when they roll into his mouth. He wants to say, _Look, Tadashi––you're so beautiful._ All he can really see right now is the general outline of Yamaguchi's body flush against his and the small blot of pink where his lips are. Tsukishima sighs, opting to put his phone down and cup the other boy's face, brushing the pad of his thumb over his cheekbone.

Yamaguchi smiles, whispering, _"Kei, my Kei,"_ as Tsukishima's fingers slide down his jaw. His skin is tanned, smooth, familiar in the way that nothing else is. Tsukishima just looks at him with his golden eyes, trying to convey the feeling of sheer _want_ that's coursing through him. 

He leans forward, gently pressing his lips against the bridge of Yamaguchi's nose, where there is a concentrated splash of freckles. Yamaguchi starts to let out an indignant noise, but Tsukishima mutters, "Hush," and brushes his thumb over Yamaguchi's bottom lip. He moves to Yamaguchi's cheeks now, depositing feather-light kisses underneath the fading bags of his eyes––once, twice, three times––and then trails languidly down to his collarbone. "Here, too," he says, very purposefully not making eye contact, and tilts his head to brush his lips against both sides. 

"Tsukki? What are you doing?"

"Can't I kiss you?" The words are pressed against his left shoulder, bleeding into the tender skin of his forearm. He moves his hand from where it's still cupped against Yamaguchi's cheek to his slender wrist, turning it over so he can pepper kisses starting there up into the soft palm of Yamaguchi's hands. 

"Of course, but I don't really get what you're trying to tell me right now," he says gently, like he's afraid another click up of the volume will scare the other boy away (he's right). He knows Tsukki, knows that what he can't express through his words he'll try to do with his actions. But the way Tsukki is acting right now––showering him with kisses in the most random places with no explanation and looking at him like he's _perfect_ ––he doesn't know how to explain this. 

"Hm," is all he gets, as Tsukki progresses to just rubbing even circles into the insides of his wrists with both hands. "Freckles," Tsukishima manages finally, eyes noticeably still downcast. This makes Yamaguchi blush, but he just hums in acknowledgement. Tsukki isn't trying to belittle him or point out his flaws––Tsukki knows how anxious and self-conscious it makes him when people point out his freckles, even with good intentions, so he's sure there'll be soft, reassuring words to follow. 

"What about them, Kei?" he has to prompt, being sure to keep his voice steady and gentle––so very gentle. The silence sits between them and clogs the rosy, comforting flush that had been surrounding them both until now. He has to say something.

"I really like them. They–they look like stars, especially the ones on your cheeks."

"Kei––what?"

"Don't make me say it again, Tadashi," he grumbles, impossibly fond as he slides his arms around Yamaguchi's neck, pulling him close. "You've got some here, too." He catches the bit of hair at the nape of Yamaguchi's neck and tugs lightly. "They're so pretty." _You're so pretty_. Pressing the other boy's face into the crook of his own neck, he bends over, replacing his fingers with his lips and a few kisses. 

"What do you mean stars?"

"Remember your stars?"

Yamaguchi laughs into his shoulder, the vibrations tingling up and down his skin. "I don't think I could ever forget." Sometimes, when he can't fall asleep, he can still see the glimmering shards of gold leaking out of the corners of his eyes. He often wakes up, heaving, to the imaginary sound of glass _clink_ ing on the pavement. 

"Well, I think you forgot I started liking astrology first."

"I'd say we both got into it at the same time, Tsukki."

"Now I have my own stars, too." He continues kissing down the back of Yamaguchi's neck, moving his lips to the sliver of skin that's exposed under the collar of Yamaguchi's t-shirt. "If I could only pick one thing to see ever again every time I look up, I'd have to pick you." His hands grip tightly against Yamaguchi's arms. "I'm so sorry, for everything."

"Kei––" 

"No, I really am. I know you've forgiven me, but I'm still sorry, Tadashi. _You're_ my everything." Yamaguchi looks at him straight on now, eyes a little wet but smiling broadly. "Let me kiss your stars for you, okay? Please? This is the only set you should have. Forget about the other one." 

Yamaguchi places his hands on Tsukishima's chest, presses down until they're both lying on the bed. He looks at the other boy, tall and handsome and beautiful and _his_ ––his until the end of time. There are twin flames dancing bright and radiant in his golden eyes, a reminder of the only color he's ever needed to know. He has his doubts, about his life, about himself, but he only has to look back into these eyes to remember he's always going to be able to get through it all. 

"Yeah," he breathes, sealing the statement with a kiss (and another, and another), and positively overflowing with the pure affection flowing through him. He sighs a soft, sweet _I love you_ against Tsukki's lips, chanting _love you, love you, Kei_ into Tsukki's collarbone and into the tender skin behind his right ear, whispering it reverently like it's the only thing he knows. 

Tsukishima, in return, looks absolutely _wrecked_ . His mouth is slightly parted, pupils blown wide. "Tadashi," he sighs back, his voice dangerously deep and roughening along the edges. With every _love you_ that passes straight from Yamaguchi's lips against his skin, he slides his fingers tighter into the other boy's hair, holds him tighter. He breathes in the calming smell that accompanies him everywhere he goes now, and tugs them closer for a proper kiss. Yamaguchi sighs, inhales, exhales the weight of the world into his mouth––feeling weightless and freed of everything in his life that could have ever been wrong. 

-

("You know that book you got me, Tsukki?"

"The poems?"

"Yeah. Could you read some to me?"

"Well–"

"Before you say it, _yes_ I can read the English, but I just like the way your voice sounds. It's already so pretty in English, and it's honestly not fair that you can sound that good in two languages."

"Alright, Tadashi. Which one?"

"Can you do page 32?"

"Yeah, okay."

-

 _"Looked up with impertinently exquisite faces_ _  
_ _floating hands were laid upon me_ _  
_ _I was whirled and tossed into delicious dancing  
_ _Up_ _  
_ _Up_ _  
_ _With the pale important stars_ _  
_ _And the humorous moon_ _  
_ _How I was crazy_ _  
_ _How I cried_ _  
_ _When I heard over time and tide and death_ _  
_ _Leaping_   
_Sweetly_ _  
Your voice_"

-

"That's really how you think of me, Kei?"

"Tadashi? Don't cry––what–"

"No, no––it's a good cry. Don't worry. It just… sounded so beautiful."

"You're beautiful, Tadashi. I know I'm not great with words, but I hope this is good enough."

" _God,_ Kei. You're my _everything_."

-

"You're such a fucking sap."

"I know."

"I'm such a fucking sap."

"I know."

"I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I know."

"Kei!!" 

Yamaguchi says his name like he's been wont to do lately––not a pet name, not an endearment, just his name. It sounds needlessly formal and grating to those who don't know them, but it makes him smile anyway.

"I don't know what I'd do without you either, Tadashi.")

-

"Love you," he says again, lips swollen and numb but still kissing, still searching the column of Tsukishima's neck. Their heartbeats are frantic but in tandem, flickering like matching flames. He stretches out across Tsukishima's body, feeling a little worn out but overall deeply satiated and so, so warm in the golden pool of afternoon sunshine. Tsukishima's arms are draped absentmindedly over him, fingers twined lazily together over the small of his back. "Love you, Kei," he says, one last time.

Tsukishima breathes out the rest of his doubt, his belligerent pride. The next breath he takes in fills him completely, sends warmth through his veins. "Love you," he says. Their eyes are closed, but they are smiling. "More than anything."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poem taken from the lines of "amores (i)" by ee cummings.
> 
> okay yeah so i made the last chapter really short but honestly i was getting pretty burned out.. this is the longest i've ever committed to writing anything and the longest piece of work i've ever written in total, even if there wasn't a coherent storyline through it all. please forgive me. i hope you've all enjoyed it so far - thank you for keeping up with me if you're still here. i appreciate every single one of you <3.


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